@oscman
1) We've been doing a lot of testing regarding performance and most functions are customized to make sure there are not huge database loads. Plugin use 1 simple table for chatting that should be small all the time (chats should not be archived or something like that). Smaller table is, faster queries are.
Plugin works ok with any theme (does not use theme functionalities).
However, I cannot tell you everything is allright with 500+ users as I cannot test that, but it should be.
2) It is not and there shouldn't be any reason for that as you do not want to allow users just talk like on facebook, you want to enable communication between seller and buyer and to initiate communication, on item page is contact button.
3) If user is logged in, user name is pre-filled. To make plugin simple, initiate chat functions must be in separate window.